Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
