dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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