Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
