the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
