So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
