I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
