butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
