her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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