He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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