awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
