My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my phone needs a breathalizer
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
