me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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