The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
