i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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