Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
