the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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