it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
