so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
