My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
