"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize