Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
