break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and she was petting her beer can
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
