My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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