He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
