She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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