theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
