So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
