I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
