i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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