I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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