Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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