is your mom at the bar?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
