question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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