who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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