I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
