Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
