And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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