dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
