as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
