11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
