What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Shame is for Republicans.
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