What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
