I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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