Swine flu. Run for my life!
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
