Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
