You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
