i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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