You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize