Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
