oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i already hear my dad disowning me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
