For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
