I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize