i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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