Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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