Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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