Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
