I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
