Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Randomize