Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
