i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she pinky promised me she was 18
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize