Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wanna passion pit in your ass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
